


Ghosting

by Mika_is_a_turtle



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 20:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mika_is_a_turtle/pseuds/Mika_is_a_turtle
Summary: //Trigger warning: this is a vent fic about anorexia and dying. Please don't read/be careful if those topics might trigger you.They never cared before, so why did they now? Noah didn't eat like they did but it was fine. He was fine.





	Ghosting

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language so some parts might sound weird. This is just a little vent fic. Haha.

”Noah, did you have lunch already?” Gansey called, his nose buried in a book again.

Noah made a vague noise and shrugged even though Gansey wasn't looking at him.

”Oh, can you go get Ronan?”

This time Noah didn't reply, he stood up and headed towards Ronan's room. He knocked on the door and when there was no reply he opened it. They usually weren't allowed to go in there. Ronan was lying on his bed, headphones on, staring at the roof. He lowered his gaze lazily on to Noah and took his headphones off.

”What,” he snarled.

”Gansey wants to see you,” Noah simply said and wandered back to his own room.

Better not to bother Ronan too much when he was in one of his moods.

 

A few minutes later Gansey called him again.

”Noah, come on, let's go to Nino's!” Gansey yelled, his voice full of energy.

Noah bit his lip. Even the thought of food made him feel sick. He didn't have to eat in front of them, right?

 

Noah slipped into the back-seat of the camaro, hiding his shaking hands in the sleeves of his oversized sweater. He stared out of the window, completely spacing out again. The next thing Noah realized he was already sitting at a table of Nino's. Ronan shoved him with his elbow and he blinked.

”What are you having?” Gansey repeated.

”Nothing,” Noah shrugged and he could feel Ronan tensing next to him and Gansey furrowing his brows.

”Okay,” Gansey said slowly and Ronan gave him a glare but said nothing.

It was one of those things you weren't allowed to bring up.

 

Noah escaped to the bathroom while the others were still eating. He stared at the mirror and lifted his shirt up. Bones. Small. Invisible. Dying. He used to be much more but he didn't know how to return back. Sometimes dying made him feel more alive than ever.

 

A few days later was the first time he fainted in front of someone. They were all at Monmouth, sitting on the sofa, laughing at Blue and her impression of Ronan. Noah laughed with them, feeling faint and weak but that was nothing new to him. He intended to escape to the bathroom for a while so he could rest and get his strength back up.

He stood up, ignoring the black spots in his vision. He got about half way across the room when the spots kept getting larger and the room started swinging.

”Noah?”

No, please, don't let me faint, he thought before he fell to the floor. Fuck..

”Noah!”

”Shit.”

 

Noah groaned and opened his eyes. The headache was killing him. His friends were all staring at him with worried looks and Noah realized someone had carried him to the sofa. Gansey was the closest to him, looking deeply troubled.

”Noah,” he started softly. ”You need to eat.”

Noah sat up, pressing his knees to his chest, trying his best to disappear.

”I do eat,” he mumbled, staring down.

He really did not want to have this conversation.

”Bullshit,” Ronan snapped and Blue gave him a warning look.

”We can get you help, Noah,” she said gently, now standing next to Gansey.

 

Noah stayed silent, overwhelmed by all the attention.

”Say something,” Ronan growled, his face full of frustration.

Noah raised his gaze at him, his expression blank.

”There's nothing to worry about,” he said tightly, walking to his room before anyone could stop him and slamming the door shut.

They never cared before, so why did they now?  
He could hear them start to argue and he felt guilty for ruining their day. It wasn't that big of a deal, it was just how he was. He didn't eat like they did but it was fine. He was fine.

 

After those events it seemed like his eating habits suddenly became everybody's business. Ronan would constantly shove him plates of food which he ignored, Gansey would try to persuade him with gentle words and Blue tried to get him to talk about how he felt.

 

Noah kept to himself even more than before, hardly ever leaving his room. He felt as if he was quietly fading away. He knew he was dying, he could feel it. His hair was falling out in chunks and his nails had turned blue, fingers ice cold. It was too late now.

”Noah, please,” Blue sobbed when one day he had collapsed and couldn't get himself up.

He didn't have the strength to speak. He felt colder than he had ever before.

”Please, don't die,” she pleaded.

”Please,” he heard Ronan whisper and Noah smiled.

I'm not going to, he thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr @jack-is-hiding  
> I need friends


End file.
